Week 10 - Boundaries

BOUNDARIES


  • The basics:  Boundaries enable relationships. Rules of engagement in the life of you. Rules of having a relation with me so I’m comfortable and safe and we can work together.
  • Boundaries do not make you a mean or selfish person.


STEPS:

  • Identify/Create your boundaries 
  • Share your boundaries 
  • Maintain your Boundaries


INDENTIFYING BOUNDARIES

  • What areas of your life are you feeling depleted/resentful? What makes you uncomfortable?


The following is adapted from Holistic Psychologist 

  • Emotional 
  • Emotional dumping without permission 
  • Being dismissed, rejecting, assuming
  • Inappropriate questions/sharing - things that feel over the line for you 
  • Material
  • Our items
  • It is ok to have items we don’t want to share and how these items get returned if we do share
  • Time/energy
  • Plans - you are allowed to say no
  • Lateness - being the one late or having someone else be late
  • When someone requests space, boundary should be respected 
  • Endless favors 
  • Mental
  • thoughts, values, opinions, beliefs 
  • It’s ok to have different ^
  • allowing yourself to have differing ones AND allowing others to
  • ex: trying to force belief to be right way of being or vice versa 
  • Physical
  • personal space, unwanted touch, PDA - needs may differ per partner, unwanted sexual/physical comments

SHARING BOUNDARIES:

  • Use simple, direct language
  • Use a neutral tone
  • Start small and work your way up 
  • Passive agressive, assertive*, agressive 
  • Ex: "It's not okay with me that you comment on my forgetfulness. I'd like to ask you to stop."

MAINTAINING BOUNDARIES

  • Absolutely critical


Important: Boundaries are nuanced, and I think the conversation of personal responsibility is often left out. What stories are you creating vs. what is actually happening? Your feelings are always valid AND it’s important to look at the reality of the situation at hand.

ACTION STEPS:

  • Identify what areas your life are needing boundaries in the above sections
  • You can do this by either writing out your boundaries or writing out areas you feel depleted/resentful/uncomfortable.